April Fool's Joke From 2020

This was originally posted at a doll message board on April 1, 2020.

As an official representative of the Samrt Dawl (“SaD”) brand, I am proud to announce the upcoming grand opening of the official SaD USA Friend Shop. This won’t be just an online store. It will be a physical retail store modeled after the one in Kabuki-cho, Tokyo.

What is a SaD? SaD is the premium pro sports doll brand designed by the flamboyant social media cult leader Pikka Chew. Big League, Pikka’s father, designed the cleats worn by SaD.

What’s so special about SaD? Every SaD is infused with wasabi-sabi*1. Each doll is a character with her own fan fiction level back story of extreme cringe. The strategies behind the SaD have been so successful, the brand has captured 82% of the 1/3 scale pro sports doll market*2.

 

Not long enough.

When we celebrate the grand opening of the physical retail store, we will share details for the upcoming Dawl-con, a convention dedicated to the celebration of SaD and stroking the ego of the thick skinned and emotionally secure Pikka Chew. At the eventual convention, he will absorb the cheers and adulation of convention attendees to come up with even better SaD designs.*3 Voolks will no longer be the only doll convention in town with its Doolpa.

Another announcement of an announcement I can make is, there will be an announcement for a SaD workshop to be held at the SaD USA Friend Shop. More details will be announced soon.

The mentally stable creative genius Pikka Chew will make an appearance during the grand opening of the SaD USA Friend Shop. He will have a speech ready for the audience attending the grand opening, in addition to a Q&A session. He will not throw temper tantrums and become butt hurt when you call him out on his BS, I promise!

Stop complaining about how sharp her chin is.

Pikka “The Customer is Always Right” Chew currently has 69 character dolls in the works. He has names for a few of them but we can’t quite show you the prototypes yet. Some of the girls will have the names Strabismus, Vitiligo, and Emesis. Some of them will be on display at the SaD USA Friend Shop grand opening. These prototypes will all see final release versions instead of being abandoned for the next shiny thing!

As of this writing, we are taking pre-orders for upcoming SaD dolls and you will be able to pick them up on the day of the grand opening. If you are located in North America and are interested in buying your own SaD from the USA Friend Shop, you can contact us at:

• Samrt Dawl USA Friend Shop
• 1313 Histrionics Place #2
• Goatse, CX 96969-6969
• USA
• customerservice@samrtdawl.us

Are you interested in pre-ordering your very own Emesis? Nothing is stopping you! The grand opening of the USA store is coming soon!

*1: Using an online search engine and translation dictionary, you will discover wasabi-sabi is horse radish mixed with blue #5, and rust. This seemed like a stroke of genius inside our Lord and Master Pikka Chew’s head.

*2: Pikka “Won't Take the Bait” Chew pulled this info out from where the sun don’t shine.

*3: This is a lie. SaD is the creation of Pikka “Do Not Choose Me” Chew. Therefore, they are perfect as-is with absolutely no room for improvement.

{This is an April Fool’s joke. Do not take this seriously.}